So, these last few months have been interesting. When Maxz was born 3 months ago, I had no idea my world would change so much. Chloe was not happy about her baby sister being born, but she seems to be ok with her, as long as she's not crying. Sammi is ok with it, but she's convinced the baby doesn't like her. All I can say is WOW, do I have my hands full. All my kids want me at the same time, and they want me all of the time. I have a hard time finding anytime for myself anymore. I don't know what I was thinking when I applied to go back to school, but I did it. I am now a full time student as well. I am currently in the 5th and last week of my 1st class. So far, so good. I'm just hoping I can keep this up. I am trying for my Bachelors in Science in Business and Accounting. I am then hoping that I can get my CPA license and start working from home.
I am also currently babysitting. I have been watching my mom's neighbors boys occasionally. AJ will be 4 this Feb and his brother Zach is about a month younger than Maxz. They were due only 3 days apart though, so it is like having twins. It is hard holding a little boy in my arms and calling him Zach, but it's not his fault. I honestly think it may be a bit of a healing process for me in the long run. I am still sure that the baby I lost was a boy. But, I will never really know for sure.
I am currently under a lot of stress regarding our upcoming move. I'm still not sure where we are going to go or how we are going to be able to do it. I would really like to stay in the Clackamas school district since Chloe has just started her early intervention. I would also like to stay at Sammi's school if at all possible. She is already having such a good year, and she does not adjust well to change. It's going to be hard enough when we move. She's already complaining about not wanting to move out of our apartment. But, she knows that it's really to small, and I'd like to be somewhere with a play area for the kids. Or at least a grassy area they can play in.
I am also having really severe blood sugar issues lately. My numbers keep reading as HIGH which means that my sugar level is above 600 mg/dl, which is not good at all. I swear, I feel like my body is going to break in half. I think it's due to all the stress, and I did have an infection on my leg where I cut myself really bad with the razor a few weeks ago. The infection is gone now. I honestly don't know how I am even healing with my increased blood sugars though.
With Stress and High Blood sugars comes depression. I have to admit, I am really depressed. There are days where I don't even want to go on anymore. I love my kids so much, and I don't want them to see me so sick. I don't want them to have to care for me, when I should be the one caring for them. Lately I feel like I have just become more of a burden than anything else. Either physically, emotionally, or financially. I'm not in the best place for any of those areas.
I am hoping to figure some things out in my life very quickly.... Like, having a place to live would be fabulous. I'm also working on trying to find a way to get my laundry all done and sorted so I can have a sale. I have a lot of work left on my plate, and I'm trying my best to get it all done. I wish I had more hands and more time. I guess every mom wishes for that, right?
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